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Death By Children

Url:	http://www.deathbychildren.com
Author(s):	Christopher Parhelios Garlington
Language:	English
Tags:	parenting, humor, kids
Description:	My kids are trying to kill me, this blog is proof.
Ratings	Not rated yet.
Popularity:	3 Followers

My Long Lost Fear of Xmas Shopping Healed by the Internet

I hate Christmas shopping. I hate it so much I almost converted to Judaism just so I wouldn’t have to do it anymore but when I found out they give presents for EIGHT days, I gave up. I’...more

2009-11-27

My Long Lost Love for the George Foreman Grill

You have to understand: I’ve been a George Foreman Grill snob since the day they rolled off the production line and onto the rolling infomercials of late night television. I’ve hated it...more

2009-11-23

a perdurable a day, helps you sleep, work and play ymtwymtaymttwtmydbc Thanks for telling your friends about "Death By Children."

2009-11-15

Frikkin Frakshuns!

I have mentioned before that my kids are measurably smarter than I am and that I’m barely qualified to open their textbooks to the back to look for the answer, much less actually provide them...more

2009-11-09

13 Things I Would Never Hear Again if I Power Drilled Through My Eardrums

Drilling from Stock Photo[Crash!]“Dad?”“Dad!”“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!”“Where the hell is dad?”“If he was up your but you’d know”&#...more

2009-11-05

Out of the Mouthes of Babes . . .

I know what I need to do.I need to kill something.That’s going to help my self-esteem.Roon, age 12, playing Call of Duty . . . ymtwymtaymttwtmydbcThanks for telling your friends about "Death ...more

2009-11-02

DIY: Installing a Vanity in 10 Easy Steps!

Tap and wash-basin from Stock PhotographyDeath By Children is about more than the nefarious and deadly machinations of our spawn or their efforts to render us twitching and pale from their ongoing ...more

2009-11-01

Urine Trouble

Antique Yellow Fire Hydrant from Stock PhotoMy family is different. We live on a different schedule than most families because [My Attorney] is an attorney. I stay at home and cook and clean and ye...more

2009-10-16

Dinner and a Booby

We run a tight ship around here at Casa de Death. No cussin. No runnin’ with scissors. No mixing metaphors. Also, we’re dead set against public nudity. This is not true of everyone in o...more

2009-10-13

DIY—Installing a Pre-Hung Screen Door in 10 Easy Steps.

Death By Children is about more than the nefarious and deadly machinations of our spawn or their efforts to render us twitching and pale from their ongoing appropriation of internet porn slang. It&...more

2009-10-13

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